chantico

I always forget that while waking hours spent alone are productive and pleasent, going to bed alone is a miserable experience. I'm still scared of the dark, embarassingly enough. Not so bad that I can't fall asleep on my own, but it makes me very jumpy. The patterns of my years in the Hell House and the night terrors have left me hateful towards the silence of an empty house when I'm trying to sleep. I hear things and get phantom scents, and usually end up getting out of bed at least once or twice to check that I don't, in fact, smell leaking gas or smoke, that the sound downstairs wasn't someone breaking in, the stove is off and there isn't a monster under the bed. Some people can't stand falling asleep when people are moving around and talking or the lights are on; I still have to turn on a nightlight or at least leave the switch on in the bathroom and the door open. Slipping away listening to the susserrations of a low conversation in the next room is comforting.

Urgh. My inital plan was to clean this weekend, but I forgpt I work all day saturday. Messy house will have to continue until Monday/Tuesday, and then I shall do a cleaning blitz and hopefully have some help in doing so. I *will* have this place squeaky before I leave, goddamit.

Also, I've been very light-headed over the past few days. I'm honestly not sure why; I don't think I am dehydrated or getting ill, and I've eaten regularly, and been getting planty of sleep. Maybe it's residual stress, nut I'm not sure. It get's much worse if I look up or down really quickly, and sometimes I feel like I'm tilting. Honestly, it feels like vertigo, but I've never had vertigo problems before. Oddment.

Honestly, I'm just trying to get in practice of journaling more often again, in anticipation of keeping regular updates while in Florence.