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Yesterday was my two year wedding anniversary. I celebrated by bursting into tears.
Not for the reasons one might suspect, thankfully, but they were not happy tears. I forgot, you see, and came home to a hubby who had gifts and kisses, and I had nothing at all because my brain will. Not. retain information.
I am so very sick and tired of never remembering anything at all. Trying to hold on to anything at all feels like . . . like I'm staring at a bunch of movies randomly spliced together and sped up ten times, or someone is flipping past slides before I can get a good look at the image. I'm *sick* of it, and I don't know why it's there or what i can do. Is it chemical, behavioral, a focus problem of my own creation, a symptom of internet addiction, a sign of ADD? Who knows.
Just, ugh.
More stress, more forgetting. I can't breath I'm so underwater right now-- backed up on my bills, in the horrid last stage of moving where everything is packed up but you're not in your new place yet, so you just . . . wait. Behind on commissions, stress eating, stuck inside last week or risked burning to death in the heat wave. Jason's last class, Jason trying to find a job, house, I don't know. There's more, but-- ha ha-- I can't remember.
It's that awful cycle where I *must* relax, because I've been going and going since my vacation in April, but I have too much to do to relax for long. I'll take a night, spend it reading, feel good, and then the shear weight of everything undoes that defrag time in moments.
One foot in front of another, right?
Not for the reasons one might suspect, thankfully, but they were not happy tears. I forgot, you see, and came home to a hubby who had gifts and kisses, and I had nothing at all because my brain will. Not. retain information.
I am so very sick and tired of never remembering anything at all. Trying to hold on to anything at all feels like . . . like I'm staring at a bunch of movies randomly spliced together and sped up ten times, or someone is flipping past slides before I can get a good look at the image. I'm *sick* of it, and I don't know why it's there or what i can do. Is it chemical, behavioral, a focus problem of my own creation, a symptom of internet addiction, a sign of ADD? Who knows.
Just, ugh.
More stress, more forgetting. I can't breath I'm so underwater right now-- backed up on my bills, in the horrid last stage of moving where everything is packed up but you're not in your new place yet, so you just . . . wait. Behind on commissions, stress eating, stuck inside last week or risked burning to death in the heat wave. Jason's last class, Jason trying to find a job, house, I don't know. There's more, but-- ha ha-- I can't remember.
It's that awful cycle where I *must* relax, because I've been going and going since my vacation in April, but I have too much to do to relax for long. I'll take a night, spend it reading, feel good, and then the shear weight of everything undoes that defrag time in moments.
One foot in front of another, right?
