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Brain that Cries Wolf
Feb. 17th, 2013 10:23 pmMy worries right now: I am losing my cognitive abilities. My heart is malfunctioning and soon will give out. I am developing diabetes.
Sigh, anxiety. You function in the strangest of ways. IN the way of medical maladies I *might* actually have, I think it's a possibility that I've adjusted to my Zoloft, and I either need to tweak the dosage, try something else, or try a new med to pair it with. wonder if I don't have adult ADD-- and the problem with hypochondria is that you can never be sure if what you are feeling is in your head, or a real issue. Is my inability to focus for more than 20 minutes at a stretch due to being lazy, or is it a disorder? When I'm exhausted and full of cotton at the end of the day because I forced myself to focus on something and finish it, is that just run-of-the-mill willpower fatigue?
Not like I can really afford a doctor right now to find out. :/
***
Life moves along apace. Thank all the stars above the holidays are past. I know for all y'all, they start in November and in come January 1st, but I have four major birthdays spread out between there and Valentines Day. My poor non-existent wallet is full of non-existent moths (I own up to my own money irresponsibility contributing to this, of course).
Full up on freelance work and commission, though! So that helps.
Baked my dad a pseudo Black Forest Cake for his birthday and delivered it. I wish I could have a multi-locational house. Like, go out the front door, I'm on Kirkwood, go out the back door, I'm in the middle of nowhere. Driving on those scraggly little roads barred in by pale trees, deer warily grazing in the dark, fields shimmering in the light of a few stars and the half moon, I am soothed.
Want to get out into the woods more. If only leaving the house was an easier task, and didn't feel like a pulling out my fingernails.
Sigh, anxiety. You function in the strangest of ways. IN the way of medical maladies I *might* actually have, I think it's a possibility that I've adjusted to my Zoloft, and I either need to tweak the dosage, try something else, or try a new med to pair it with. wonder if I don't have adult ADD-- and the problem with hypochondria is that you can never be sure if what you are feeling is in your head, or a real issue. Is my inability to focus for more than 20 minutes at a stretch due to being lazy, or is it a disorder? When I'm exhausted and full of cotton at the end of the day because I forced myself to focus on something and finish it, is that just run-of-the-mill willpower fatigue?
Not like I can really afford a doctor right now to find out. :/
***
Life moves along apace. Thank all the stars above the holidays are past. I know for all y'all, they start in November and in come January 1st, but I have four major birthdays spread out between there and Valentines Day. My poor non-existent wallet is full of non-existent moths (I own up to my own money irresponsibility contributing to this, of course).
Full up on freelance work and commission, though! So that helps.
Baked my dad a pseudo Black Forest Cake for his birthday and delivered it. I wish I could have a multi-locational house. Like, go out the front door, I'm on Kirkwood, go out the back door, I'm in the middle of nowhere. Driving on those scraggly little roads barred in by pale trees, deer warily grazing in the dark, fields shimmering in the light of a few stars and the half moon, I am soothed.
Want to get out into the woods more. If only leaving the house was an easier task, and didn't feel like a pulling out my fingernails.
