(no subject)

You know, my big post about discipline and being harder on myself and blah blah blah would have been a lot more effective in motivating my ass if my entire body didn't erupt into civil war a day later. The revolt is still being quelled, but sufficed to say I spent saturday as a diseased smear on deadmanwade's couch, doing nothing but eating, sleeping, and drinking a literal gallon of cranberry juice. The fever came back that night and chased me around on Sunday, which I spent exceptionally cranky in response. I still don't feel 100% today-- some what woozy and with occasional body aches and pains, and a sinus headache. I really am teh plagued.

Alright, alright, I'm listening-- less drill sergeant, more tender loving care. Gah. I would say "you think I could have been told in a nicer way" but, well, I did *ask* for it.

Oh, and my new, healthy diet, full of fruits, vegetables, structured meals and regular intervals and controlled portions, and a distinct lack of anything A. frosted, B. fried and C. tasty (SALADS, people. I'm eating SALADS)?

Yeah. Gained five pounds and got sick. I want my Doritos back.

Going to see Children of Men tonight. Gory Sci-Fi for the win! What will I do without my buttered popcorn and nacho cheese?!

(no subject)

Sometimes I feel starved for want of discussion, mostly about art, and Art. It's strange to consider that I am in the middle of an incredibly creative social circle, and yet none of them draw/paint/sculpt/have any sort of investiture in the Fine Arts at all, or even any of the concepts of them. I'm at a stage in my work that I want to discuss, and I *need* to have valuable feedback from peers about my stuff. Sure . . . I can show people my illustrations, my pictures, and they can say "This is great!" or, if they have a good eye, "Well, something looks off . . . maybe this?"

But I can't get feedback about composition, or color interaction, or anatomy-- and I certainly can't get feedback about theme or influence or expression.

And even if I could bring this up with peopel around my, it's such a touchy subject . . . for all of the respect fringe creative projects get (gaming being a prime example), Art and the discussion there of is mostly just made fun of. I don't know . . . I doesn't help when at the slightest mention of Art the room erupts in guffaws. It's really fucking frustrating, because I want to be able to point out to people that the things they are laughing at really do have merit . . . but I don't have the words or the courage to speak them anyway.

I dunno. I guess . . . I guess my art at this stage isn't as much about the physical improvment and more about expression of ideas. And right now, I feel incredibly blocked up about expressing *anything*, whether through art, writing, or talking to people. I'm tired of being quiet but I have no one to talk to to break that. It's why I'm updating this more. Maybe it will help me be able to speak up some-- even if there isn't anyone to listen.